Missing Scenes: To Confide
by QueenHimiko
Summary: After they defeat Sherra, Gourry wrestles with some demons from his past. Set in the novel's continuity after "The Maneuverings of Dynast's Army."


Somehow everything had turned out fine. They defeated Sherra and, for the first time since he lost the Sword of Light, Gourry had actually played a big part in taking down a high ranking Mazoku! Any fears he'd had of being an inadequate guardian for Lina without it were once again put to rest. He could still be an asset to her. Further, Jade was reestablished as a knight, and had offered to take the group out for drinks at the local pub.

Gourry was in a celebratory mood at the beginning of the evening. Luke asked Milina to dance, and she deftly shot him down. This somehow led to a heated discussion between Lina and Luke about whether or not he could even dance and Gourry amused himself with watching them. He could have sworn he even saw Milina crack a smile at one point.

It was sometime after his third drink that he noticed Jade staring into his mug of ale, looking mournful. Gourry felt a spring of guilt erupt. While Jade may have gotten his kingdom back, he had still lost his father and brother. Worse, Gourry had had to kill Jade's father for him, as he had been turned into a Mazoku. It was an awkward situation. He hadn't wanted Jade to live with the guilt. And while Jade had thanked him after the fact Gourry had had to talk him into it. He wondered if Jade held a grudge against him.

Gourry started thinking about the cruel situations life could foist upon people. There was nothing worse than having to confront your own flesh and blood on the battlefield. And in his case, Gourry's family hadn't even been turned into Mazokus. They were acting from their own will! And then his own brother was killed in the fighting...

He sipped his ale as the party grew rowdier around him, a stark contrast to the dark path his thoughts had started to take. He thought about sitting beside Jade and asking him if he wanted to talk, but decided against it. Even with the extenuating circumstances, he had killed his father. Gourry was probably the last person in the room he wanted to talk to.

It didn't feel right being there anymore. So he quietly got up and walked to the patio. The night air was cool and inviting, sobering slightly. Gourry considered going straight to the inn, but decided to hang around until Lina was ready to go. She was usually good at navigating strange places, but she was also a lightweight who could get lost in her own hotel room when slightly tipsy.

He sat at a table and stared at the stars. He usually avoided thinking about his family, but tonight they were haunting him.

"You okay?"

Gourry nearly jumped. Between being slightly buzzed and the noise from the party he hadn't even noticed Lina coming out to follow him. "Fine." He said as he worked to recover himself, trying to look as casual and carefree as ever.

She sat beside him, "Why'd you step out then?"

"I dunno." He said, "It just didn't seem right with Jade there. I mean, I did kill his father."

The words fell out of his mouth before he'd even thought through why he was saying them, and he instantly wished he could take them back.

"Oh." Lina said sympathetically, "Yeah, I guess I see what you mean there. But I guess you could say that his father was already dead really. He died when he was transformed by Dulgofa. And by fighting him for Jade you saved him from having to walk around with his father's blood on his hands. You did him a big favor really. You shouldn't feel bad."

"I don't. But still, when my brother died…" he stopped abruptly as she leaned forward in interest. Was he really about to start talking to her about his family? He never talked about them with anyone. Between his worries of what would happen if his family ever tracked him down to his general dislike of burdening Lina with his problems, it was just a conversation that was off the table. Besides, how do you explain your actions in a tragic situation without sounding like a horrible person?

Lina watched him closely, but when he stopped talking she probed, "You've never mentioned your brother."

He sat there awkwardly, torn between a desire to tell her more and fear about what would happen if he did. Besides, after not talking about something for seven years, how do you just open up about it? He took a long sip of ale, "It was a long time ago. And hey, it looks like we're missing a good party. You ready?"

He held out his arm to her. Was it his imagination, or did she look a little hurt? Was it because he wouldn't confide in her? Still, she took his arm.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. And when Gourry woke the next morning, he barely had any memory of it.


End file.
